Thursday, June 26, 2008

There goes the neighborhood

The idea of a great summer kept me going during the crazy winter. I knew it would be hot and nice and that my kids could go out and play and that they would have so many great adventures. Then we had two different families move in to our complex. A single mother and her 3 teenage daughters move in above us. And then a his, hers, ours, family moved in right across from us. No big deal. We had a couple of issues with the girls above us playing music super loud late at night waking up our kids, but we sorted that out. I never in a million years thought that moving to mormonville rexburg, living in Student housing, we would run into the type of people that have moved in. I am to the point where I don't want my children playing outside when the other kids out, or when the moms are out smoking. That is right our non smoking complex. It makes me so mad. Ok I guess I should give you a warning this blog is going to be a lot of venting. This post might be more for my benefit more then anything. Anyways this is what I deal with on a daily basis. Let me just start off with both of these families are super poor, and the kids are paying the price cause the parents choose to spend their limited money on cigarettes and drinks rather then stuff they need. Most days the parents leave their kids home alone and when they leave they lock the doors. There is a 6 year old and a 8 year old that I really think shouldn't be left alone at all. So with that said I am the only adult around most days. And with the kids being locked out you, guessed it, They all use my bathroom, my house. On a daily basis I am asked for food, drinks, and water and granola bars aren't good enough for them, band aids, sunscreen, and what ever else comes up. Its to the point if someone gets hurt they come running to my door even if their parents are home. I have to force them to go to their parents. Now I think for the most part I am a caring, nice person. I understand when families are having trying times and I want to help, I really do, but the problem is that my kids are suffering. These kids that are around all the time are naughty, potty mouth, ungrateful, liars. They are so mean to my kids who are sharing all their toys, bikes, and food. I know that the problem is that they have parents who don't care if they do that, but I do. I don't want my kids hearing OMG all the time or all the swear words. The lying problem comes into play because if I am not outside with the kids I have every window open. My apartment is maybe 10 feet from the big play area. If my kids are outside my front door is left open. So basically I can always hear them if I can't see them. So most times I hear what is going on. So every day I get the older kids coming and knocking on my open door, or yelling my name to tattle on my kids about things that my kids didn't do, like Jakob won't let me ride his bike. Well I know its cause Jakob's riding it when they want it and Jakob doesn't get off and give it to them. So when I say no Jakob is riding it, they start telling me all the crazy lies to make me think that Jakob wasn't riding it. Its just ridiculous, it makes me wonder if their parents believe these stories. One time our neighbor boy came and told me that Alexa, my 2 year old, was calling everybody the B word. Now as a mother you usually have a good feel of what your kids know, after all you are in charge of what they are hearing, watching, etc. So I knew Alexa had no idea what the b- word is. So I told the kid that, I also told him the only way she would know that word is if he said it to her and she repeated it. As soon as I said that I knew it was true and asked him if that was what happened. He told me that Alexa wasn't letting him ride her bike so he was mad. This boy is 6, Alexa bike is one of those toddler bike that you sit on and push with your feet, he is not allowed to ride it. After all was said and done I asked the boy where he had heard that word, after all he is only 6, he said his dad says it to his mom all the time. So very sad. I watch my kids get yelled at, hit, pushed, the other kids tell them they are not their friends if they can't ride their bikes. I mean its horrible, but what do I do? If I lock my kids in the house, to keep them away then they think they are being punished. If I don't feed the neighborhood kids who will. Oh the other thing is that one of the families got their cellphone turned off for not paying the bills, so the mom is over constantly wanting to use our cellphone. Or if the upstairs mom is gone the teenagers are down wanting to use my phone to call their mom to ask if they can do stuff. I just don't know what to do anymore. We are looking for another place to live, but nothing so far. So where is the line. How nice and compassionate do I need to be to these people. Where do I draw the line, how do I handle the kids, Is it my place to get mad at these other kids?
On a positive note, I have been so very proud of my kids. To see my kids stand up for them selves, to make the right choices, makes me feel so good. Just today the kids were all saying what they were saving their money for. They all said toys and clothes. Jakob said " a mission". The other kids didn't know what that was and Jakob told them he was going to be a missionary in china ( he thinks he going to the great wall ). Then he went on to tell them about his dad serving in japan and how all his uncles have gone on missions. The kids all thought that was cool. This whole thing has been such a testimony to me about how important it is to be home with my kids and to be on top of their every move. How important it is to teach your kids manners, and even simple things like don't through your wrappers on the ground. Also what a difference it makes in kids if they know someone is watching and listening, monitoring what is going on. Well thanks for letting me vent, if you have any suggestions please let me know.

4 comments:

Erin said...

I'm so sorry! tons of things cross my mind of what to do but the question is what is the right thing to do. Do you call child services for the younger ones? Do you just start taking your kids somewhere during the day so you aren't around? Do you just start putting your foot down and saying no and not do things for them? Do you talk to the parents? Is it something you talk to you landlord about? I have no clue. Good luck!

Melissa D said...

For starter I would call child protection services on the younger ones. Not only are they being left alone at young ages, but they are not being fed or provided adequete shelter during the hot day. That seems like a good enought reason to call to me! As compassionate as you feel like you must be, remember that YOUR kids have to come first and so you have to put your foot down. With the younger kids, have you tried sitting down with them and giving them the rules? I would tell them exactly what you expect of them (language, sharing etc)and if they can't follow your rules then they can't play with your stuff any more. Pack it all up and take your kids to a park! What do I know though...I have a 3 month old and nice neighbors! GOOD LUCK! I hope you can find a new place SOON!

Anonymous said...

You are KIDDING me! That sounds so terrible, I think you're gonna be granted sainthood for your patience!

I totally agree that your kids have to come first. Actually, with the younger ones, I would tell them the rules that go with playing in your house or with your stuff or whatever. Then, if they don't obey the rules about sharing, using polite words, etc., they can either have a time-out or they will be grounded from your kids, your toys, your everything, for the rest of the day. Simple as that. They need to understand that it's a privilege, and there are certain expectations if they want to continue benefitting from your generosity.

As far as the cell phone goes, you could either just tell them that you're watching your minutes, or simply say no. And yes, I would DEFINITELY call the property owner about any smoking or alcohol. And child services or health & welfare about the younger children being neglected during the day. It may sound harsh, but you'll be doing that family a favor in the end.

Wow! I just think you're amazing. Chin up, the Lord is aware of you and your family, just as He is aware of them and theirs. We're praying for you.

Becca & Joel said...

Wow, girl... what a test, eh? I was in a somewhat similar situation (though not nearly as bad) when we lived in Idaho. The child was also let loose in the neighborhood at 7am when her siblings left for the bus stop and told not to return home until her siblings were home from school. So she got to scavenge for her food, shelter and entertainment - most of the time in a skimpy bakini and no shoes... It got so bad that I told her if she wanted to come inside our home to play or have a snack, she needed to have her mom come over and meet me first because I would never let my kids go into a neighbors house I didn't know. (she was like 6 and my oldest was not even 3 at the time!) Anyway, she stopped coming around when she realized our rules. Have you tried talking to their parents yet? I know - gotta be hard, but I'd try that first... THEN call CPS! Those poor kids! You're an awesome Mom, Cori!